Active Listening - Skills & How They Are Used in Coaching

Active listening – what are the skills and how are they used in coaching?

You may consider yourself as being a good listener because you put away all distractions, you nod your head, make eye contact and summarize accurately in every conversation. However, while these are all reflective of a good listening attitude, active listening is more than that. Indeed, it requires reading non-verbal cues, controlling your own emotional responses, having empathy, and self-awareness, among other things.

In this blog article, you will understand why active listening is important, how it’s used in coaching, and what techniques improve your active listening skills.

What is active listening?

Active listening is about processing and being willing to understand the meaning and intent behind what a person is saying. When you are actively listening, you are mindful and focused, curious and non-judgmental.

It might be helpful to see active listening as having three components:

Cognitive – paying attention to, and integrating the thoughts, ideas, and information you receive from the other person
Emotional – showing empathy, managing any emotional reactions, and remaining calm and neutral
Behavioral – observing and showing interest in behavioral (non-verbal) reactions, and noticing when these occur

Active listening techniques

The word active in listening implies that you have some active role in conversations – that you take some action. This “action” involves a number of techniques such as:

1. Being fully present

Being present means listening with all your senses and giving all of your attention to the speaker. Avoid any distractions and ignore your inner dialogue as best as you can while you are listening.

2. Practicing eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful way to show interest. It shows the other person that you are not distracted and that you are listening to them with intent.

3. Noticing non-verbal cues

Much of a person’s communication happens non-verbally – especially when feelings are involved. Pay attention to a person’s tone of voice, hand gestures, and facial expressions, for they may all have a meaning.

4. Asking open ended questions

Open ended questions are more powerful than closed ended questions – where one can answer in a yes/no manner. Hence, starting a question with “what” or “how” can help you formulate an open ended question, which keeps the conversation flowing.

5. Summarizing what has been said

When you are listening to someone, don’t assume you’ve understood everything they said. If you summarize what’s been said, use your own as well as the other person’s words. Later, ask if your summary was accurate. This way the person will feel seen and heard.

The summarizing technique ensures that you’ve captured the other’s thoughts and feelings correctly, while minimizing misunderstandings. However, if you think you need more information or clarification about what’s been said, kindly ask for it before you summarize or paraphrase.

6. Witholding judgment and advice

Active listening requires the listener to be open to new ideas and perspectives. Even when you may have a strong view or belief, what makes you a good listener is to suspend judgment, and avoid criticism or interruptions. Moreover, remaining as neutral as possible and refraining from giving your opinion is the best thing you can do to show you are not judging. This technique will increase trust and safety, which in turn increases the chances of the other person feeling comfortable and opening up.

What else can you do to become better at active listening

Understand your own listening style

You may have one or more listening styles and, in some cases, it might be helpful to switch from one to another based on the speaker’s needs. For instance, there is a:

Task oriented style – which focuses on efficiency and gathering information
Analytical style – which focuses on analyzing a problem from a neutral standpoint
Relational style – which focuses on connection and understanding a problem based on underlying emotions
Critical style – where the person usually judges both the content of the conversation and the speaker

Choose how you want to listen

Ask yourself who are you listening to, why are you listening, and what’s the subject of the conversation?

Knowing why you are listening can help you tune into what the other person needs at that moment. In addition, knowing who you are listening to is going to help you make the other person feel heard and understood. By focusing your attention on the person, you will find it easier to refrain from giving advice, making assumptions, or sharing your own experiences.

Similarly, if you can manage to stay present without having your own agenda or thinking about what to ask next, you will be more likely to hear what’s being said and what’s left unsaid. Finally, knowing the “what” of a conversation will support you in asking the right questions at the right time. This is not only going to show the other person that you’ve heard them; it also shows that you understood the situation well enough that you may need additional information.

Active listening in coaching

From what I’ve learned during my coaching experience, active listening is not just about hearing what the other person has to say. It is also about hearing specific words, noticing a person‘s body language, and pointing out any dissonance between the two.

It is about tuning into the other person’s inner world with curiosity, while leaving your own world aside. It is about being your client’s sounding board and reflecting back to them what you hear. It is about being patient and allowing space for silence. It requires listening to understand, not to respond.

As a coach, you also tend to believe that your clients have all the answers they need. This means that, while active listening, you are asking questions that make THEM reflect. It is not about YOU proving a point or guiding them towards a solution. If you let someone come up with their own solution, they will feel more empowered and capable. At the end of the day, coaching is about supporting clients in finding their own answers and trusting themselves.

Active listening in different settings

At work

At work, active listening may be particularly important if you are a manager, supervisor, or have to interact with other employees frequently. Your skills will definitely showcase your patience and help you collaborate with others in finding solutions.

Active listening at work equally facilitates understanding and mutual respect. It conveys the message that the other person – and what they say – is valuable. It builds psychological safety, meaning that others will feel safe enough to be open and share more information with you.

Lastly, it helps you in leading by example. In other words, be the first who actively listens and rest assured that others will likely follow your example. This is because you will establish a clear expectation of how others should treat you and how they should treat one another.

In relationships

Active listening is very useful in all relationships, whether it be with friends or family members. It really helps you better understand another’s point of view and show empathy. It can also keep you from offering solutions when someone is emotionally distressed and all they really need is to feel heard.

In social situations

Usually, people who are actively listening are good at initiating and maintaining conversations with new people in any social context. By showing empathy and asking open ended questions, they tend to make others feel safe and emotionally supported.

To conclude

Active listening requires one to be fully present with another. It also requires a degree of emotional intelligence which helps the listener leave oneself out of the equation and show empathy. If you use the techniques mentioned in this article, you will be more likely to make others feel seen and understood, which will improve your relationships and connections.

Active listening skills are beneficial for all kinds of conversations and in all kinds of settings: at home, at work, with friends, as well as when meeting new people. Ultimately, active listening is what signals to the person talking that they are important and what they say matters.