What You See in Others Is a Reflection of Yourself

What you see in others is a reflection of yourself

I recently had a situation come up where I realized someone had most of the traits I used to have a few years ago – but which I decided to let go as part of my healing journey. I used to be rather self-centered, overly ambitious, and extremely harsh on myself. What I saw in this person was a reminder of the progress I’ve made. However, I could also feel a part of me missing those traits and resisting any further change. Therefore, this person was also a reminder for me to go deeper and do some extra healing work.

On the other hand, at approximately the same time, I met someone very confident, brave, and authentic. I was, and still am, drawn to this person and I admire her deeply. She is one of the clearest reflections I’ve ever had. In other words, I know I have the qualities she has; I think I just have to acknowledge them first so that I can improve on them later.

The concept of people being mirrors explained

The idea of people acting as mirrors is a psychological phenomenon (known as psychological projection) whereby our interactions with others can increase our emotional intelligence and self-awareness. For instance, interactions can give you valuable insights into your qualities and limitations. I like to think of it as some of the qualities and limitations we have as being asleep, and this is exactly what we end up admiring or criticizing in others.

There might be different traits or characteristics that you notice others have and that trigger you in some way. When this happens, it could be a great time to take a pause and reflect on what just happened. What was the trigger all about? What specific behavior or attribute bothered you? In what way was this behavior triggering?

Observe the thoughts running through your mind as you do this. You may find out that the trigger was due to a mismatch between that person’s behavior and your values. Or perhaps, you may realize that you resemble that person in some way.

Mirrors in friendships and relationships

On the one hand, people often mirror our fears and insecurities. Your friendships or relationships may reflect your social anxieties, trust issues, or your difficulty in maintaining social connections. If you see your colleagues or friends as competitive, this might show you the kind of belief you have about these relationships. On the other hand, people can also mirror your love and strengths. For instance, it could be that you view your friends and colleagues as cooperative instead of competitive, which again shows you the kind of beliefs you hold.

Becoming aware of these reflections can be of utmost importance in your own self-development journey. In addition, using these reflections, you can analyze and understand yourself better, which means your relationships are likely to improve. Sometimes, what you are reflected back can help you realize where in your life you need the most healing or change.

If you feel like everyone you encounter is in a specific emotional state (e.g. angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed) it might be beneficial to look within yourself. See if there are any repressed or unaddressed feelings from your side (e.g. anger or sadness). If so, what can you do about it?

In a similar way, it could be that the people around you are in a more positive emotional state – such as love, joy, and satisfaction. As a result, these people may inspire and elicit positive feelings from you. However, it could be that you have those same positive and inspirational qualities within you, and that what you see is really just a reflection of yourself.

Everyone can teach you something

Every person you encounter in life gives you the opportunity to get to know yourself better and grow into a better version of yourself. Everyone is likely to reflect something back to you, or simply teach you a lesson. I believe that no one comes into our life randomly; there is always a reason. Sometimes it may take us a while to recognize why a person was placed on our path or what lesson they are trying to teach us, but in time, we will see it.

What can you do?

When you realize you are drawn or attracted to someone, ask yourself: What is it that I am attracted to? From there, know what you admire or find attractive in that person you also have inside yourself. Allow it to come out and observe it with curiosity and acceptance.

In addition, you may want to notice what traits others have or behaviors others do trigger you. From there, ask yourself: What is my belief in this situation? Is this something I have/do but I’m unwilling to accept? Oftentimes, our triggers are our best teachers. They can uncover what needs to be revealed about ourselves and show us where we might need more healing.

Life is a mirror

As you are progressing on your self-development journey, you will soon realize that life itself is a mirror. In other words, your inner reality ultimately matches your outer reality. You will attract people and experiences that match your inner feelings. If you come from a place of lack, your outer reality will match that lack. Alternatively, if you come from a place of abundance, life will show you people and experiences that reflect that abundance.

Takeaways

Through others’ reflections and emotional states, you can get a better understanding of yourself (your strengths and limitations). This awareness can in turn advance your personal development journey by shedding light on those areas that need improvement.

Moreover, it is important to recognize that your perception of people changes based on your belief system. Indeed, one could say that the events you encounter and the relationships you have, are all a reflection of your inner world. If you think the world is a dangerous place, you might think that people too are dangerous and not to be trusted. Similarly, your thoughts and moods influence the way you perceive yourself and others. If you are in a negative mood, you may notice more negativity around you.

Really, see life as a mirror. If you are negative, the mirror will show you all sorts of negative things; if you are positive, what’s mirrored back is positivity in every form. As you become aware of and change your limiting beliefs, you start to see that what’s being reflected in the mirror has changed. This will make you feel more empowered and encourage you to take responsibility for your own life.