Emotional Intelligence - What Is It & Why Is It Important?

Emotional intelligence – what is it, and why is it important?

What is emotional intelligence?

There are different forms of intelligence and different ways of measuring it, the most common of which is the IQ test. However, emotional intelligence – also known as EQ or EI – is another form of intelligence of which its importance is often undervalued.

Emotional intelligence is the kind of intelligence that allows you to understand and recognize your own as well as others’ emotions. According to research, 80% of our success in life is due to emotional intelligence and only 20% to IQ. Research also suggests that emotional intelligence allows you to navigate relationships and equips you with the right tools to support your mental well-being.

What’s more, research has suggested that people with higher levels of emotional intelligence (EI) are more resilient to stress and have better social relationships. On the other hand, people with lower levels of EI are less able to regulate their emotions and more likely to adopt unhealthy emotion regulation strategies (e.g. smoking, drinking). These strategies are then likely to have negative effects on an individual’s overall health.

Just like IQ, emotional intelligence is in part related to one’s genetics and personality. However, one’s EI can be improved. In this blog post we will see how.

Components of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence has different components, including:

Empathy

As in putting yourself into other people’s shoes.

Self-awareness

As in being conscious of how you feel in specific instances and asking why. Self-aware individuals can often recognize the connection between how they feel and how they act. These individuals are also aware of their strengths and weaknesses and are open to new insights and experiences.

Self-regulation

As in not letting emotions overwhelm you and take control of your life and actions. Regulating one’s emotions is not about taking emotions out of sight or suppressing them. Rather, it’s about communicating one’s emotions at the right time and in the right way. What also helps in self-regulation is knowing that one has a choice for how to respond in a particular situation.

Motivation

As in delaying immediate gratification for better satisfaction later. Delaying immediate gratification is also found to be related to happiness and well-being. Hence, emotional intelligence, which increases motivation, can also lead to more happiness and satisfaction in life.

Social skills

As in reading social cues and being conscious of how one’s actions, moods, and emotions can affect other people. Emotionally intelligent individuals are often confident in themselves and their capabilities, and know how they are perceived. In addition, they have strong communication skills and they are easy to approach because of their listening and relational abilities. They are open to learning new things and receiving constructive feedback.

What can improve your emotional intelligence?

Self-care and rest

People who are well rested and who set some time aside every day to take care of themselves, are more likely to self-regulate and control their emotions.

Taking breaks to check-in with yourself

It is important to stop every once in a while and notice how you (or your body) is feeling. If you do this regularly, you may notice some patterns in your feelings and behaviors, which ultimately increases your self-awareness.

Slowing down

Especially before big decisions or stressful situations, slowing down and taking a few breaths is key. Telling yourself positive self-affirmations and reassuring yourself with sentences like “I am safe, I am well, I am capable” might help as well.

Curiosity

Approaching things with a curious mindset, including one’s and others’ feelings, will often teach you more about yourself and others than you can imagine. Research suggests that people who are curious about their own as well as others’ emotions are more empathic. Asking other people questions about their feelings for example, or asking yourself “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” can uncover new patterns and insights.

Mindfulness

Awareness and acceptance of one’s emotions, positive or negative, helps create a safe space where you can process your emotions. A key factor in acknowledging one’s emotions is observation without judgment, and the idea that everything is temporary, feelings included.

The importance of emotional intelligence in life and at work

Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence may be more important than IQ in predicting one’s efficiency at work and life satisfaction. This is because, while IQ can help in your studies and career, EQ is what ultimately helps in times of stress and in improving social interactions. Indeed, EQ is fundamental in situations that involve change, confrontation, and obstacles. It is equally important for effective communication and collaboration, at work just as in everyday life.

EQ at work

At the workplace, studies have shown that employees who score higher on EQ tend to be ranked higher on interpersonal abilities, stress management, and leadership skills. In fact, people who are successful at work not only have high cognitive intelligence, but they also have high emotional intelligence. Interestingly, when it comes to leadership, empathy was found to be the number one skill that successful leaders have. Leaders whose empathy scores were higher were also rated as better performers by their supervisors.

If a leader has high emotional intelligence, it is likely that he or she is resilient and has good communication and self-regulation skills. Research shows that leaders with high EQ are not only better at managing their own stress, but they also recognize and address stress in others. What’s more, leaders who self-regulate are less likely to react aggressively during a conflict, and to make better, more thoughtful decisions. In other words, the benefits of EQ in decision-making become obvious when one is able to recognize that one’s current mood or emotions could have a negative impact on the final decision and should therefore be ignored in the process.

Furthermore, since EQ can increase one’s ability to identify and label emotions, one can also understand the origin of their feelings, and reflect and respond accordingly. This awareness increases resilience in tough situations, and can make one more motivated to achieve and perform well despite the challenges.

Finally, emotional intelligent people know how important it is to have a positive attitude. They are conscious of the power of positive words, encouragement, and gestures. If one is able to remain positive in stressful situations, it can also help other people stay calm and facilitate cooperation and problem-solving.

EQ in life

Life is all about emotions and what we do with them, and emotional intelligence helps us perceive and understand all emotional information we receive and convey. Therefore, it helps us in good times and bad times, in society just as in our life relationships.

Emotion and cognition are not separate entities after all. Psychologists have now repeatedly shown that it is the combination of cognitive and emotional intelligence that makes individuals the most successful and fulfilled. Building on your emotional intelligence can be extremely beneficial. It can lead to better communication and stress management, as well as more resilience and motivation. These in turn can help you achieve personal, physical, and psychological health, and success in all areas of your life.

The importance of emotional intelligence in relationships

All components of emotional intelligence can be found in relationships and their importance becomes even more evident in relationship dynamics. As social beings, understanding others’ emotions is just as important as understanding and regulating one’s own emotions. Emotional intelligence drives thinking and behavior. Hence, it is fundamental in comprehending the reasons behind people’s actions.

The benefits of emotional intelligence

Closer, more meaningful relationships

When you understand your emotions, you are better equipped to understand others’ and connect with people. This usually makes it easier to work in teams, get along with family and friends, and forgive others.

Better communication

People with high emotional intelligence usually know what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. They also know how to express their feelings and understand what others are saying even when not using words.

More compassion

People with high emotional intelligence are able to feel and show others compassion.

Smarter decisions

Emotional intelligence is correlated with improved critical thinking. This means that if you are emotionally intelligent, you are very likely to pause and reflect on a course of action before making a decision, which often involves avoiding the desire for immediate results.

Strength and resilience

Being emotionally intelligent means you are better able to deal with life stress and bounce back from setbacks.

Emotional intelligence and coaching

From my personal background in coaching, I can say that being a coach implies being emotionally intelligent. This is because the practice of coaching involves adopting a curious mindset, letting the client lead, showing empathy and support, regulating your own emotions prior to and during a coaching session, as well as listening actively, and noticing a client’s verbal and non verbal communication. These elements of coaching are indicative of emotional intelligence and emotional maturity. They are at the base of social and relational skills, and are what ultimately helps build trust and presence in any coaching relationship.

Takeaways

Scoring high on emotional intelligence can be beneficial both at work and in life, as well as in coaching clients. This is because people with a high EQ:

Know what they want and, as a result, succeed in achieving their goals
Are able to remain calm even in challenging situations because of their increased resilience and self-regulation skills
Are better able to form deep connections based on trust and presence because of their powerful communication and active listening skills
Have a growth mindset, always seeking to inspire, develop, and advance
Are able to use their energy wisely, focusing on what they can control and what they are capable of achieving

Some of the things you can do if you want to increase your EQ and improve your life are:

Raise your awareness – including becoming aware of your relationship with your thoughts and feelings
Label your feelings (in your body) and their root emotions
Understand the trigger behind your emotions
Express your feelings or emotions – such as through talking to someone you trust or doing something (e.g. writing, drawing)
Regulate your emotions – by engaging in a hoppy, taking a break, or meditating

While these are only some of the factors that can contribute to one’s overall happiness and life satisfaction, over 50% of the variance in happiness seems to be attributable to the competence one has on emotional intelligence.